"Emotions are not problems to be solved. They are signals to be interpreted." – John Gottman, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Tantrums are intense emotions expressed as an outburst/over-reaction over a period of time, often because children feel overwhelmed.
Whether you're figuring out how to handle infant tantrums, handling tantrums in 2-year-olds, or how to deal with 3-year-old tantrums, recognizing that they’re a natural part of growing up helps you handle them with empathy and patience. By understanding their root causes and responding effectively, you can help reduce tantrums.
Strategies For Dealing With Tantrums
1. Stay Calm and Collected
- How to do it: Take deep breaths, speak in a calm tone, and avoid yelling. Practise mindfulness or relaxation techniques to maintain your composure during a tantrum.
- Why it works: Children often mirror their parents’ emotions. By staying calm, you model emotional regulation, showing your child how to manage strong emotions.
2. Help Them Make Amends
- How to do it: Once your child is calm, guide them in making amends for their actions. For example, if they drew on the walls, involve them in cleaning it up.
- Why it works: Helping children take responsibility for their actions teaches them accountability and the importance of making things right. This not only helps them understand the consequences of their behaviour but also builds problem-solving skills.
3. Empathise and Validate
- How to do it: Get down to your child’s level, maintain eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings. Say things like, “I see you’re very upset. It’s okay to feel that way.”
- Why it works: Empathy helps your child feel understood and valued, reducing the intensity of their emotions. This approach works whether you're dealing with tantrums in infants or older toddlers.
4. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
- How to do it: Establish and consistently communicate rules about acceptable behaviour. Explain the consequences of actions calmly and ensure they are appropriate and consistent.
- Why it works: Clear boundaries provide a sense of security and predictability, which can reduce tantrums. For instance, if you're handling tantrums in 2-year-olds, consistency in rules can help them feel safe.
5. Teach Coping Skills
- How to do it: Help them develop tools to identify and manage their emotions.
For example, "I know it's hard to share and it makes you frustrated, but let's try taking three deep breaths together. Inhale slowly, hold, and exhale slowly."
- Why it works: It empowers children to manage their own emotions and behaviours by focusing on regulating themselves first before trying to solve what emotion is de-regulating them.
6. Build Routines
- How to do it: If your child struggles with wanting to leave the playground, build a consistent routine that provides a predictable structure and inform them about it beforehand to reduce feelings of overwhelm and insecurity.
- Why it works: Creating a predictable environment and routine decreases frustration, allowing children to feel more secure and in control when they know what’s coming next.
Tantrums can be challenging, but with the right emotional intelligence strategies, parents can navigate them more effectively. By staying calm, empathising, setting clear boundaries, teaching emotion vocabulary, and offering choices, parents can help their children develop the emotional skills they need to handle strong feelings.
